Stuff on the Side # 4 - Now I See

I just woke up. It is 3:16 in the morning and I can't get back to sleep because my subconscious has been challenged and, as I feel deep in my gut, passed.

I just woke up from a series of dreams.

Dream #1: Thesis

No, this dream had nothing to do with thesis, but had everything to do with the people I am suffering thesis with. In this dream we were celebrating the end of our suffering by going up the mountainous north and drinking to whatever the future had in store for us.

Then our host and my dream self made an elaborate plan to make sure we went a day ahead because, well, sexy-time. While they were making sure everything was going smoothly, I was going hay-wire. How can my dream self bear the thought of cheating on my girlfriend?

By the time they reached the host's place, my dream self was having second thoughts.

I remember her efforts, though, wearing her home clothes (or whatever you call the clothes you wear at home) which was a pair of worn jean shorts and a loose fit off-shoulder shirt. If my high-school self saw that, he would have knelt and prayed and thanked the heavens. Dream me (who, I realize by now, is not me, which I will explain later on) as much as he wanted the sexy-time, declined the offer.

Dream #2: Drunk

"Keavin," she said.

"(belch) who'reyouwhy'rehere," I said, trying to make sense of things.

"Guess," she said as she took my clothes off.

"Stopthat." In my drunken stupor, I flail my arm to discourage my stripping. "I'm married."

"Yes, I know." She sat on top of me and began (or tried) to kiss me.

"Then gerroff me."

"But it's Wina." (insert pouty face here)

"If you're Wina, answer these questions.

1. When did we first kiss?

2. When did we first hold hands?

3. sfawoejrawemrawperwioer....."

(Wina too drunk to comprehend/recall)

"You aren't Wina." I push her to her side of the bed, then turn the opposite way to snore.

She, a little hurt (and happy, I think), proceeds to sleep.

"I love you Keav."

"I love Wina."

Dream #3: High school

This was a re-dream (if that even makes sense) where I (or dream me) lived in an alternate universe, but generally, under the same circumstances. The only thing that changed in this universe was how the places and things looked and functions (like how car wheels were the souls of I-have-no-idea-what).

Moving on. I was spending a lot of time with my alternate universe high school sweetheart (at least that's what she felt like). We would hang out at the park nearby talking about schoolmates and the stupid things they did, but mostly we talked about us, and the things that we were about to do.

Which we didn't. Because my principles overrode the dream.

- - -

And I wake up. And I realize (or confirmed) a few things.

1. The subconscious is not an alternate you. It is a totally other person. This doesn't sound sensible and it is hard to explain. But I know for one thing, my subconscious is not me. It functions as a default. A "what 'I' would do given a situation" kind of thing.

2. My principles are so ingrained into my very being, neither reality or dream can bend it. Despite some lusty albeit funny circumstances that has everything to do with sexy-time, I took the obviously better choice to be loyal (unless being loyal to you is no better - then suck it up bro SUCK IT UP BROTHER/SISTER). I am very happy to know I've become better, after all that I've been through.

I See The Light || Tangled OST

The feels of this song. It's been playing in my head for a while now, this past few hours. But yes, now she's here, shining in the starlight. I'm where I'm meant to go. Normally, I would keep things like this to myself, but I'm too happy to care. See you in a few hours Wina.