Stuff On The Side # 8 - 20x20

Life isn't about being perfect. Trying to hard to ace everything is a road that'll lead to nowhere. So far life has showed me that I am a block of marble chipped down by constant mistakes. From the original shape which I can't truly explain, I have become what I am now: a big pile of mistake.

I am constantly reminding myself that I am new to life. That I will always be new to life. It is hard to say so, especially when I've gone through a lot. But it seems, and I dread, that the worst is yet to come.

Somehow a part of me does not fear the uncertainty. Neither does that part of me feel excited about uncertainty. He simply sees it and accepts it for what it is. I can't answer questions, or say anything that I have no idea about. I don't think I can be that person who talks for  the sake of talking. Words should not be wasted on idle talk.

Does this make sense? As I look at it now, it seems I am scared to fall short of expectations. Or at the least, I am scared of being in the wrong. What is this, pride? Maybe. Most probably. But also I've don't the dumbest mistakes out of sheer compulsion--a spur of the moment kind of thing.

I don't regret my mistakes. Or the mistakes people perceive that I have commited. They are me. Without the education that is my mistakes, there would not be the me who I am today.

Stuff on the Side # 6 - For Your Information

During my typical commute to and from school, I notice something that I didn't quite mind before. If you don't already know, I take trikes to and from school from time to time (mostly during times where I need to beat the clock) because the trikes take a faster route, but they're more expensive than travelling by jeep.

So I ride a trike on the way home and notice a notice (see what I did there) on the windshield of the passenger car. On the notice it says the rates of each ride. Regular passengers pay the regular rate (around Php7-9 per person or Php 15-17 for special trips) while senior citizens, disabled peeps, preggy mommies, and students have a discount (I don't remember, but I know it's a whole lot cheaper).

Before I paid for the fare (which strangely happens after every ride) I asked the trike driver about the notice. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Kuya ano po ibig sabihin nitong notice? (Sir, what does this notice mean?)

Driver: Anong notice? Saan? (What notice? Where?)

Me: Eto ho *points at the thing*. Sabi po rito may discount mga estudyante. (Over here. It says students have a discount.)

Driver: Ha...

Me: Magkano po ba pag estudyante? (How much is it for students?)

Driver: dise ocho. 

aside - 18 bucks is how much they usually charge. I assume it's the 17 regular fare +  Php1 per extra kilometer.

Me: Nakalagay po sa notice 15 pesos lang po pag estudyante. (The notice says students only have to pay 15 bucks)

aside - but it was actually 13 bucks + 0.5 pesos per extra kilometer. I just told him 15 bucks so he still gets some extra.

Driver: *doesn't reply*

Me: *hands him 20 bucks* eto kuya oh. (Here you go, sir.)

Driver: *hands me 2 bucks*

Me: Kuya yung, discount. (Sir, the discount.)

Driver: *Irritable* akin na yang dos. *hands me 5 bucks* sa susunod dise ocho bayad. Pagbibigyan lang kita ngayon.

-end of conversation-

SO. What have I learned from this encounter? One thing that I thought was that none of the trike drivers knew about the notice which meant that they were unknowingly exploiting commuters of their money. That or they knew about the notice and exploited the hell out of commuters.

To those of you who commute, when you see notices like these, know about it and inform. Approach the appropriate authorities and ask about details. If you see people being talked out of their money, tell the appropriate authorities. You have the right to be informed. You have the right to inform. To everyone in general, know the rules and respect them. They're there for a reason. We didn't survive as a race by killing each other.

P.S.

To the people manning public utility vehicles, I know you're trying to earn a living for god knows what reason. Please earn your money legitimately. One way or another, you're going to regret breaking the rules.

Stuff on the Side # 5 - Pearl of the Orient (my ass)

Disclaimer: Strong Language

Putang ina lang Kainis naman ng mga tagamaneho ng bus sa EDSA. The government has recently implemented a new transportation system where 3 types of buses have a stop corresponding to each of them. Bus A's can only stop at A designated terminals. Bus B's at B terminals. C's at C's.

Eh putang ina lang Unfortunately, some bus companies must not have informed their drivers and conductors about the change of plan (MY ASS). So my friend tells me his experience on his way home to Pasay. He got on a supposedly air-conditioned bus, but found out later that the AC was broken and had in its stead electric fans. Welcome aboard ordinary fare.

Anyway that's beside the point. The bus he got on was an A bus at Cubao which is a C terminal. See anything wrong? And at this terminal, monsieur tsuper and his sidekick conductor boy were reprimanded by the MMDA (peeps in charge of road discipline LOL). Life goes on. Then a little later, the bus stops at Ayala, Makati which is a B terminal. See anything wrong?

So the MMDA guy/girl (my friend didn't tell me the sex of our dear MMDA personnel) flagged the bus driver and they had a short argument where the MMDA person told monsieur tsuper that A and B just don't mix, also taking monsieur's liscence. Monsieur tsuper reasons out that he didn't know about the new system (despite it being about a month old). Monsieur tsuper then tells conductor boy to deal with the MMDA. Conductor boy comes back saying he payed the MMDA person Php1000.00 cold hard cash (in assortments of 100's, 50's, and 20's folded in half I muse) to get monsieur tsuper's liscence back.

Putang ina lang. See anything wrong?

1. My friend shouldn't have ridden a reprimanded A bus at a C terminal

2. Monsieur Tsuper and his sidekick have no respect for people who are hard at working paying taxes.

3. MMDA person is unfortunately stupid for giving in to corruption. Easy money it may be, but fuck that. I'm going to be working and paying my dues to society soon. Hearing about shit like this pisses me off.

Respeto lang naman kasi kailangan natin para medyo gumanda-ganda ng kahit konti lang pumumuhay natin dito sa Pinas. Kung puro sarili lang ninyo iintindihin ninyo eh putang ina lang diyos ko po wag na tayong umasa pang umunlad.

Laki ng titi niyo di niyo naman alam gamitin. Kaya ang daming buntis.

Stuff on the Side # 4 - Now I See

I just woke up. It is 3:16 in the morning and I can't get back to sleep because my subconscious has been challenged and, as I feel deep in my gut, passed.

I just woke up from a series of dreams.

Dream #1: Thesis

No, this dream had nothing to do with thesis, but had everything to do with the people I am suffering thesis with. In this dream we were celebrating the end of our suffering by going up the mountainous north and drinking to whatever the future had in store for us.

Then our host and my dream self made an elaborate plan to make sure we went a day ahead because, well, sexy-time. While they were making sure everything was going smoothly, I was going hay-wire. How can my dream self bear the thought of cheating on my girlfriend?

By the time they reached the host's place, my dream self was having second thoughts.

I remember her efforts, though, wearing her home clothes (or whatever you call the clothes you wear at home) which was a pair of worn jean shorts and a loose fit off-shoulder shirt. If my high-school self saw that, he would have knelt and prayed and thanked the heavens. Dream me (who, I realize by now, is not me, which I will explain later on) as much as he wanted the sexy-time, declined the offer.

Dream #2: Drunk

"Keavin," she said.

"(belch) who'reyouwhy'rehere," I said, trying to make sense of things.

"Guess," she said as she took my clothes off.

"Stopthat." In my drunken stupor, I flail my arm to discourage my stripping. "I'm married."

"Yes, I know." She sat on top of me and began (or tried) to kiss me.

"Then gerroff me."

"But it's Wina." (insert pouty face here)

"If you're Wina, answer these questions.

1. When did we first kiss?

2. When did we first hold hands?

3. sfawoejrawemrawperwioer....."

(Wina too drunk to comprehend/recall)

"You aren't Wina." I push her to her side of the bed, then turn the opposite way to snore.

She, a little hurt (and happy, I think), proceeds to sleep.

"I love you Keav."

"I love Wina."

Dream #3: High school

This was a re-dream (if that even makes sense) where I (or dream me) lived in an alternate universe, but generally, under the same circumstances. The only thing that changed in this universe was how the places and things looked and functions (like how car wheels were the souls of I-have-no-idea-what).

Moving on. I was spending a lot of time with my alternate universe high school sweetheart (at least that's what she felt like). We would hang out at the park nearby talking about schoolmates and the stupid things they did, but mostly we talked about us, and the things that we were about to do.

Which we didn't. Because my principles overrode the dream.

- - -

And I wake up. And I realize (or confirmed) a few things.

1. The subconscious is not an alternate you. It is a totally other person. This doesn't sound sensible and it is hard to explain. But I know for one thing, my subconscious is not me. It functions as a default. A "what 'I' would do given a situation" kind of thing.

2. My principles are so ingrained into my very being, neither reality or dream can bend it. Despite some lusty albeit funny circumstances that has everything to do with sexy-time, I took the obviously better choice to be loyal (unless being loyal to you is no better - then suck it up bro SUCK IT UP BROTHER/SISTER). I am very happy to know I've become better, after all that I've been through.

I See The Light || Tangled OST

The feels of this song. It's been playing in my head for a while now, this past few hours. But yes, now she's here, shining in the starlight. I'm where I'm meant to go. Normally, I would keep things like this to myself, but I'm too happy to care. See you in a few hours Wina.

Stuff on the Side # 3 - Sentiments on the Homecountry

With as much control as I can muster, I will try not to make this post a rant, but more a discussion on how my experience today relates to the behavior (as I observe) of Filipinos. I do not mean to generalize.

Just a few minutes ago, as I was walking back from school, I almost died. Yes. Once again, some motorist who does not seem to have any care for life or consequence tried to run me down as I crossed Aurora boulevard. And once again, it was a truck.

Now before I get deeper into things, I will express my contempt against trucks and their drivers. Long ago during my days in high school, I was slapped on the left side of the face by a delivery truck's side mirror. It was not what I would call a pleasant experience, but it made me ask questions. The following years were no different, where assorted vehicles of the same type tried and failed to off Keavin Mutuc (consciously or otherwise). However, my questions have been answered, in a manner of speaking.

Question: Why are these truck drivers so eager to run down pedestrians?

These motorists have licenses. They supposedly took exams that would educate them regarding driving etiquette, say for example NOT running a red light and almost killing a man trying to cross the street. The balls on nerve of these people. There is an observable carelessness for others that I find laughable for a very collective culture. What could possibly drive them to do such heinous albeit stupid acts?

  

My best bet would be stupidity. Ignorance would be a perfect euphemism, but I like expressing my thoughts plainly. People are stupid (although not entirely as I could discuss another time whether or not in this same post). The thing with Filipinos is that they have this fear of inconvenience. They are addicted to immediate pleasure. They do not think far beyond the present.

"Kelangan kong magmadali. Kung hindi, kakaltasan na naman nila sweldo ko."

(I have to hurry, or they'll impose penalties on my pay.)

An example motivation why Mr. Truck Driver would run me over. I cannot accept that. It felt more like this.

"Gago ata 'tong batang to ah. Kitang nagmamadali ako, biglang tatawid. Eh kung sagasaan ko kaya."

(This kid must be a fool. He sees my hurrying then suddenly crosses [the street]. What if I run him over?)

Neither statement justifies the act of running a person over, but the urge to avoid inconvenience is there. The second statement is merely my assumption of what that madman was thinking while he drove his truck just inches away from me (had I not jumped out of the way, I would not be writing this). Suppose that he successfully proved that he was king of the road, fusing me with the asphalt, what then?

 Would he have the sense to stop his vehicle, take my battered body, and drive me to the hospital, or drive for fear of being inconvenienced (in this case, not wanting to answer for his actions)? Would bystanders call an ambulance, inform the local authorities, take note of the license plate of the truck, and try to secure my body, or just stand by and wait for someone to make a move? Would the authorities bring Mr. Truck Driver to justice?

Thankfully enough there will always be someone who knows the emergency hotlines. The thing is, I fear people would not touch my broken body thinking that if they did, they would be involved in the whole humbug (fear of inconvenience). And should the culprit be caught, will justice be swift and decisive?

Let me segue to an experience that happened to my mom, my sister, and I when I was in my early teens. We were on the way to the reception of a family friend's wedding. At an intersection, a taxi collided with the right side of our car. My mom was semi-conscious, her forehead bleeding. My sister was unconscious seeing as the taxi hit her side of the car. Our car kept moving, but constantly to the left where a bus (which thankfully enough was not in motion) caught and stopped the car.

The nose of our car was a wreck. I had to yank at the door where my sister was a number of times before it gave. I literally dragged my sister out of her seat (I don't remember if I was in shock, or if my sister was just fat. Love you sis.) and looked at the people standing around. They were standing around. If I had not shouted for help, they would have taken their time waiting for someone else to help.

Why I'm talking about this is because it worries me that stuff like these are rampant. It isn't just jeep drivers or truck drivers. Motorists in the Philippines seem to enjoy making pedestrians think twice about crossing the streets.

[If I may, I will express my sentiments in the vernacular] Hindi ba nila naisip na pagsinunod nila ang mga patakaran sa pagmamaneho eh mas dadali ang karanasan nila sa daan? Lagi na lang nag uunahan ang mga bus at jeep para lang makahakot ng pasahero. Hindi man lang nila gamitin mga signal light nila para man lang malaman ng mga ibang motorista sa likod nila na tatabi sila sa kaliwa o kanan. Tapos may mga bus pang alam nang ang sikip na ng daan eh pipilitin pang isingit and kalaki-laki nilang sasakyan. Meron pang mga tsuper na akala mo kung sinong may ari ng kalsada. Basta-basta na lang haharurot. Wala man lang silang konsiderasyon sa seguridad ng kapwa nilang tao. Lagi na lang ang sarili ang inuuna.

Dito ko na rin nakita ang yabang ng mga pinoy. Yabang na wala sa lugar. Yabang na walang kalaman-laman. Kung magmayabang ka man, siguraduhin mo man lang na may ipagmamayabang kang may kabuluhan. Walang natutuwa sa pahabaan ng tite nagmamataas na tanga hindi man ginagamit ang utak. Hindi kayo binigyan ng lisensya para manggago magloko sa daan.

Sa mga autoridad namang aming inaasahan, hinahamon ko po kayong maging masusi sa inyong pamimigay ng mga lisensya. Sana lang ho linisin ninyo ang sistema. Kung maaari po lamang, hulihin ang mga namemeke ng lisensya (ang bumibili pati na rin ang nagbebenta). Sa mga nagbabalak magmaneho, wala pong masama kung sa tamang pamamaraan nating kunin ang ating mga lisensya. Kung may nangongotong man, isumbong sa mas nakaiitaas. Hindi po lahat ng tao sa gobyerno ay tiwali at mukhang pera.

I challenge my countrymen to be responsible for your actions. Ano pa ba ang pinagmamalaki ninyong Filipino Pride kung wala naman kayong paninindigan?

Stuff on the Side # 2 - It Takes Two to Tango

The thing about people is that they can never be too sure about themselves because they're biased for themselves. John Donne is correct in saying that no man is an island. Any semblance of certainty can only be attained from the perspectives of other people.

If a person that they knew the answer to life and absolutely no one believed it, that person would most probably doubt himself or herself and eventually think that the answer to life is something absurd and totally out of this world.

An important thing to note here is an idea. We are, in a sense, ideas which give birth to more ideas both physically (reproduction) and mentally (thought). To consider an idea absurd or unbelievable lessens the likelihood of a prolonged existence. The thought will eventually become obsolete or, in the worst of cases, dissipate.

Laws are screened by setators. Someone probably proposed a law to permit the dry-humping of logs in public. Do we know who did it? Do we know when it happened, where it happened if it happened at all? Theories are strengthened by research. Data that have been processed before are recycled over and over to make sure that what their trying to prove holds true. Otherwise, these things are either renewed by new ideas or abolished by disproving. Gods exist because people believe they exist. Their faith strengthens the idea that there gods and that they were responsible for our existence (see the mutual relationship here?). The probability for something to be can only be improved by other ideas that support it.

People, as they grow, establish relationships first of all with the family. And I guess you guys know where it goes from there. A child is worth more than gold to a parent, but at times children don't realize this (or unfortunately it isn't the case). People can think lowly of themselves, but are seen as incredible individuals by others (or the other way around).

I had a hard time accepting the idea that I am more than what I thought I was worth (which wasn't much, I tell you now). HOWEVAHR. A lot of things have happened to me and I am having an easier time with myself.

I don't entirely know why I wrote this entry. I guess it's because I've spent such a long time being such a major party-pooper that I've come to realize that life can be more happy than sad because I believe that it can be more happy than sad and because other people believe it (if not entirely) the same way.

Just for kicks, and because Louis Armstrong is a sexy sexy man, here's a to his version of the song "It Takes Two to Tango" written by Al Hoffman and Dick Manning.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4llRBKAzHk

Stuff On the Side # 1 - Behbehss!!! XD

So while I was away (meaning I went home, for once), I found my old photos of me being a cheeldrens. And holy sh*t I was an adorable kid.

So yeah. I have no recollection of my postnatal behbeh days other than drinking from my milk bottle and snoozing most of the day away.

This picture here is an example of me snoozing.

"WHY THE FFFFF YOU WAKE ME UP?!?!"
As a kid, I was already known to be a delinquent. I loved sleep and when people woke me up I'd throw tantrums, flip 'em the finger, or simply look adorable and go back to sleep.

This is my loving sister and her beautiful set of snappers. Love you panget. Little did behbeh me know that those snappers would be my future. Unfortunately (and fortunately) I've no pictures of said blight infested teeth.

My fisrt behbeh stehpss. Well no not really. This was probably a few days after I learned to walk, which was sometimes rued by my mother because I always seemed to be everywhere (I learned how to run and make loud noises at the same time).

This is my papa. He's really cool and sweet. I remember days when I would doze off, snuggling on his cheek full of manly ruggedness. He'd lul me to sleep humming some oriental tune with his gruff voice.

Papa's wardrobe consists of a blue long-sleeve polo, a white shirt or tank-top, a pair of slacks, a pair of leather shoes, and his glasses. Everywhere he went this was what he wore. As you can see, he goes to the beach in them. I don't ever recall seeing him in the salt with his semi-formal on though. That would've been a funny story to tell.

A foreshadowing of my mild OCD towards cleanliness. I have fits of obsessive cleaning like picking up garbage on the streets, washing someone's dishes, making someone's bed, arranging books so that they're never askew, and other stuff. But mostly, as a cleaning behbeh, I liked the sound of a vacuum. If I remember right, I imagined it as a great wolf whilst I sat upon its broad, mighty back.

Cheese. I like cheese. :D

I WANT YOUR CHOCLITS PLES

Papa and I on a car ride. Every time I enter the car with him around, I sit on his right leg and he'd bounce me up and down and I would giggle. I miss those car rides.

My love for water takes me back to this instance at Royal Tagaytay where I wouldn't get out of the pool. I liked the feel of the steps on my butt and the cool water. And swimming was just so much fun (even if all I did at the time was cling to the wall and laugh).

That's me being retarded. In this picture, I am holding my best friend and his friend the hotdog pillow. My best friend survived both primary school and lived long enough to see me through my second year of secondary school. Dear mother threw my best friend away, thinking that it was immature for a 16 year-old boy to sleep hugging his behbeh pillow.

I miss being a behbeh. Wondering if my kids would be as adorable as I was. That'd be nice. And narcissistic. But what the hey.